GOD Only Knows...
GOD Only Knows...
This is a collection of questions that I have heard. Some are satirical, some are thought provoking, and some are just plain funny. I would like to ask these questions of GOD someday, when I get to heaven, to see if there are logical answers for them, or if GOD just has a good sense of humor! Enjoy! - David
We will have the answers someday!
"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Corinthians 13:12
If the universe is everything, and
scientists say that the universe is
expanding, what is it expanding into?
Why do you press harder
on a remote-control when you
know the battery is dead?
Why are they called "buildings"
when they are already finished?
Shouldn't they be called "builts?"
Why are they called "apartments"
when they are all stuck together?
Why do people without a watch
look at their wrist when you ask
them what time it is?
Why do people ask someone without
a watch what time it is?
Why does sour cream have
an expiration date?
Who is General failure, and
why is he reading my disk?
The light went out, but where to?
Why do banks charge you a
"non-sufficient funds fee" on money
they already know you don't have?
Does the reverse side also
have a reverse side?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
If you got into a taxi and it started
driving backwards, would the taxi
driver end up owing you money?
What would a chair look like if your
knees bent the other way?
If a tree falls in the forest and
nobody is around to see it, do the
other trees make fun of it?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two airplanes almost collide,
why do they call it a near miss?
It sounds like a near hit to me!
Do fish get cramps when they
go swimming directly after eating?
Why are there 5 syllables
in the word "monosyllabic"?
If it is zero degrees outside today and it
is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
Why do they call it the "Department of Interior"
when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
If the prefix "re" means "again", then
why do scientists call it research when
they are looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?
When I erase a word with a
pencil, where does it go?
Why is it, when a door is open it is ajar,
but when a jar is open, it is not adoor?
Why is it that you can tell a man that
there are 400 billion stars and he will
believe you by faith, but if you tell him
a bench has wet paint, he has to touch it?
How come Superman could stop bullets
with his chest, but always ducked when
someone threw an empty gun at him?
Do infants feel as guilty about infancy
as adults do about adultery?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro,"
then what is the opposite of progress?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial
ingredients, but dishwashing liquid
contains real lemons?
How much deeper would the ocean be
if sponges didn't grow in it?
If a well is just a hole in the ground,
how many of them would there be if people
were to take the dirt out of all of them?
Why buy a product that it takes
2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a pig
is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we have to wash bath towels
if we are clean when we use them?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag
and put garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to
the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer
to IV's as "4's"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word
"lisp" to have an "s" in it?
What do little birdies see
when they get knocked unconscious?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If the modern horse evolved from the Eohippus, which no longer exists,
and man evolved from monkeys and apes,
why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should you trust a stockbroker who
is married to a travel agent?
Is boneless chicken considered
to be an invertebrate?
Why do people browsing a book store ask
the clerk where the self-help section is?
If all those psychics know
the winning lottery numbers,
why are they all still working?
Is Disneyland just a people
trap operated by a mouse?
Sooner or later, doesn't
EVERYONE stop smoking?
Since light travels faster than sound,
is that why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak?
Is the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
Is it true that war doesn't determine
who's right, just who's left?
If you throw a cat out the window,
is it considered kitty litter?
If a man speaks in the forest and
there is no woman around to hear him,
is he still wrong?
Why do we drive on parkways,
and park on driveways?
If a mute swears, does his
mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
If a book about failures doesn't sell,
is it a success?
Instead of talking to your plants,
if you yelled at them would they still grow,
only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors
call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls,
is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Do you need a silencer if
you are going to shoot a mime?
Where do forest rangers go
to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered
animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it true that cannibals don't
eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What is another word for thesaurus?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON,
how do they make it stick to the pan?
If a parsley farmer is sued,
can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings
be called a walk?
Why do people who know the
least know it the loudest?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day,
365 days a year, why are there
locks on the doors?
If the funeral procession is at night,
do folks drive with their headlights off?
How can they tell if a Stealth Bomber
is missing or shot down?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he considered homeless, or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the police arrest a mime,
do they have to tell him he has
the right to remain silent?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
When companies ship Styrofoam,
what do they pack it in?
If it is tourist season,
why can't we shoot them?
Can a fat person go skinny dipping?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy
liquor when it is illegal to drink and drive?
Why isn't the word "phonetic"
spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices
under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations
when smoking is prohibited there?
Have you ever imagined a world
without hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the
snowplow get to work in the morning?
If a cow laughed, would
milk come out her nose?
If you are in a vehicle going
the speed of light, what happens
when you turn on the headlights?
Why do they put Braille dots on
the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport
something by car, it is called a shipment,
but when you transport something by
ship it is called cargo?
You know that little indestructible
black box that is used on planes?
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of the same substance?
Heard a funny one lately? Email it to us and we will add it to this page!